I was lying on my sofa, thinking of many months that went by.. and how I had rowed my boat passing through the waves on the deep sea. And how I calmed myself with dreadful situation which I never dream I could overcome. I never thought of myself as a stable (mentally ok,ya) or even being the strong one. Sigh!... if you ever knew me many years ago, a helpless woman I was. Believe it or not, I even freaked out... if my petrol was less than half a tank, Marketing was out of the question. And freaked out too if driving far long journey on my own or even together with Hb.. Every tiny winy things made me jump. The thoughts of Hospital, weakened my legs. ... Apakah artinya? Was something to be embarased? Not anymore, I was just being pampered...duhh. Hb is such a darling, he spoilt me. Almost everything was done for. And I thought it stays forever that way, but suddenly, our life has changed...
Ahemm.. I am a good Home Maker, I know that for sure!! Heeehee.
Now I know langit tu tinggi ke rendah. Ya, ku sangka panas hingga ke petang...begitu lah, apa2 pun the hardship had taught me to be strong and grateful...tho not much but a little has change my life and I am learning to be independent. Each and every time I prayed hard to make me stronger, reliable, patient and redho. Such that I can cope with what's coming my way. Never imagine I could do it. Alhamdullillah, what I had feared in the past, I had overcome slowly.
Things happened for a reason, isn't it?
When you actually looked back, you will get what you had asked for... but not exactly the way you wanted it to be. So, that's life. Take it as it is. Enjoy every moment of it, because whatever it is, it does not last forever.
A friend who had not called for almost a year, asked about Hb's condition. Assumed that Hb had got back to work, I said, No... Guilty and could not stop blaming herself for not being a dear friend to me. Reminded me of all the good things a wife should do for the husband, to be more suportive than ever, more patient than ever and the ganjaran of the good deeds. Lastly praised me, for being a good wife and mother.... And she went on bla bla bla...
I stood still for awhile, suddenly I realised that I am not that *Good Woman* she described me. I am just an ordinary wife who takes care of very little needs from a slight handicap Husband...who once upon a time treated me so well...
I do sometimes grumble, but most of the time, asked to be forgiven... Which that time I was carried away with other engagements...so, so not faithful kan.
Truthfully, I am not flattered by the praise, nor I should be feeling on top of the world, I don't deserve it. I do hope, God would protect me from being Proud, Conceited or Vain. I was thankful to be reminded such that my everyday life would be guided in the right way without disturbance from the Syaitan, Subhanallah!
adui..panjangnya..anyway its good to let it out once in a while...
ReplyDeleteSalam wahai sis Iha, hidup ini bagaikan pusingan bulatan sebuah jam mengikut waktu, berpusing-pusing bulat sama seperti dunia yang bulat juga bulan juga segala bagai planets yang ada, maksud Ratna ialah pusingan hidup kita telah ditentukan (qadhak dan qadar) yakni mengikut pusingan waktu atau masa dan tahun-tahun yang bersilih-ganti, ada masanya kita bahagia dimana perjalanan hidup kita begitu lembut manis tanpa kerumitan dan ada masanya kita kena berdepan mengadap kerumitan itu yakni dugaan yang diberikan oleh Allah Ta'ala adalah adil dan setimpal dengan kekuatan semangat yang cekal-kuat seseorang itu, benar sangat bak kata sis Iha redho sahaja dan terima setiap dugaan itu dengan tabahnya walau pun senang ber-bla bla dari pehak yang mencuba-memberi semangat seperti Ratna, namun yang empunya memikul bebanan tersebut hanya diri yang tahu-ngerti merasa gimana beratnya.
ReplyDeleteTabah dan kuat kan semangat diri wahai sis Iha dan sediakan sebuah ruang hanya khusus-nya buat diri sis Iha supaya jangan lupa atau abai-kan diri bahawasanya sis Iha wujud bukan hanya untuk mengisi keperluan buat yang lainnya namun bagi diri sis Iha sendiri begitu primordial bagi mengelakkan diri dari terperangkap atau di-belenggu oleh bebanan yang dipikul itu, samaratakan tanggungjawab ke-atas keluarga juga ke-atas diri-sendiri, primordial!
Salam manis manis madu.
p/s: maaf dipinta dengan komentar yang begitu panjang berlarutan ke-hujung titik noktah. terakhir.
Semoga suami sis Iha sembuh-baik dengan sejahtera-nya, demi penjagaan juga perhatian rapi di-penuhi dengan kasihsayang pasti segala kerumitan itu dapat diatasi.
Salam manis manis madu.
Salam Chuwa,
ReplyDeleteemotional seketika!
Ratna,
ReplyDeleteTerima kasih atas comment sis.
Yang dipikul tidak begitu berat..cuma insan ini yang tak kuat. Sesekali hendak diluahkan supaya lega dihati ini.